This post has nothing to do with religion, so let's get that out of the way now!

I have been thinking about creation lately. I'll let the cat out of the bag slightly about something I'm working on right now, which is that a friend of mine and I are planning a podcast together. You'll have to wait and see for details on that! But it's been my "Willow's in bed" hobby for the past month, researching, planning, crafting. And the other day I was getting a little bogged down in all the details of that when it struck me what a habitual type of hobby this is for me. I am always creating.

And the funny part is I wouldn't even call myself a creative person, because that term seems so loaded now. Like it's reserved for the most artistic, unique people who effortlessly throw fabulous outfits and recipes together and do things their own way and damn the consequences and everyone else! But I'm not really like that, at least I don't feel like I am. I do try to do things my own way, and I do hate being restricted but I can't really imagine anyone who doesn't feel like that. I don't think independent thinking necessarily makes you creative, does it?

But photography, natural product crafting (lotion, toothpaste, baby cream, etc... is there a better term for this?), writing, podcasting, videography and movie editing (another new pursuit of mine), graphic design, blogging, interior decorating... all these things that interest me are the result of seeing that art form and thinking "hey I could do that." And I think some people are content to ENJOY the thing without DOING the thing. Something in me always has to do it.

My love for reading naturally transitioned into a love for writing. My appreciation for photography turned into an entire business. I could never be content just enjoying pictures my phone takes (which aren't bad pictures at all!). I had to take it further and further in a fruitless attempt to "master" that subject. I've always wanted to write a book, and actually personally I kind of feel like I have, though the writing I've done isn't traditionally published like a book. But I know one day I will attempt to write (another) novel. Because. Because I don't know. It's in me.

But back to the podcast. I was talking with my friend about all the things I was doing... making us a logo, building an excessively pretty website, designing artwork, planning the broad strokes of our actual show... and she said she felt bad because I was doing so much work and she didn't know how to help me with things like website building because she had no experience with that. And I had to tell her that fiddling with fonts and images in Photoshop for something I'm excited about doesn't feel like work to me. Okay, when I'm trying to figure out how to code my website to get it to do what I want (and no, I get surprisingly little help from that programmer husband of mine!), that definitely can get frustrating. But deep down I know I'm doing it to myself and a normal person would just use a simple template and change a few colors and be happy. Not me though, I see the best websites by the best people and think "there's no reason mine shouldn't look as good as that!" 

I think Erik and I have this in common. When it comes down to it, we are both creators. Just in different realms. We both highly value function and quality. We both want to get things completely right. We both meticulously plan our approaches, are careful and thoughtful, and diligently create efficient systems and are then highly irritated when the people around us don't get it or can't keep up with the idea we had in mind. Ah, the marriage of two perfectionists. You can imagine the ridiculous standards we hold each other to... but also the mutual respect for a kindred spirit.

Erik doesn't just play nerdy games, he creates tutorials and videos on how to be the BEST at those nerdy games. He doesn't just appreciate comics, he thinks "I can draw like that" and does. I was going to hire someone to paint a picture of Erik's grandparents' home that they just moved out of, but had lived in for most of their lives, and Erik looked at me like I was crazy because of course he could just do that himself. He loves music, so he taught himself to play it. He admired his grandfather's calligraphy so he taught himself to do it. He literally learned how to create his own cards from his favorite card game. The examples are never ending but I think you get the picture.

Actually the more I think about this idea of "creation" the more I think about independent thinking, and maybe I was wrong before... maybe it does go hand in hand. I've spent my whole life looking at other people, wondering why they don't ever zoom out of themselves a bit and think more critically about things. (I'm very arrogant that way, don't mind me!) And I think creativity could be tied to this mentality. When you are a person who naturally asks "why?" and "how?" and always seeks more knowledge, then of course you'll be just as capable of creating or doing that thing as anyone else. And maybe that's the difference between someone who reads a book and is inspired to write one in their own voice versus someone who enjoys it, appreciates it, and moves on to the next thing.

This makes me think of all the hobbies and interests that I've always felt like I should have... because other people make them sound so lovely and enticing, but that don't grab me in such powerful ways as these more creative outlets do. Things like sports, history, travel. I appreciate those things, but I don't find them fulfilling like I know a lot of people do. And I wonder if it's because there is no personal creation to them. I enjoy yoga, but it's not especially fulfilling to me to spend an hour exercising and them walk away with seemingly nothing to show for it. I enjoy the traveling I do and love seeing new places, but I don't have that itchy drive to explore the world like others do. I can't walk through a museum with the same reverence and appreciation for it that others always seem to have.  My top life goals have nothing to do with seeing things. They're far more likely to be about making things.

Anyway, this has been a weird, self-indulgent, philosophical and egotistical ramble. If you're a regular reader you're likely used to this and I apologize, as always, for all the drivel you sift through around these parts. You're thinking "where are the cute baby pictures?" or even "um I thought this was a photography website, maybe post some of that, Tiffany." But I think I needed to write this all down to process the scattery feeling I have had lately of my business, my family and friends, and the interests I'm pursuing all pulling my mind in a million directions. Maybe that is an inevitable consequence of having a baby. When you used to have 16 hours in a day to do all the things, now you have only the times when she is in bed to do them. It certainly makes you prioritize and reconsider what is genuinely important to you. That, in itself, will be an ongoing life process!