Today is Willow's due date. Huzzah! We made it! Since she is due today, technically, I'm pretty confident she won't come until at least tomorrow haha. But I figured it was a good time to reflect on the joys of the third trimester.
Well. Where to start? If you go back and reread my first and second trimester posts, you'll know I developed most of my physical "ailments" in the second trimester, most notably my back pain. I am pretty sure the sciatica developed during the second trimester, but maybe I wasn't sure what it was at that point yet and just mentally lumped it in with back pain. But I made no mention of it then and it's definitely been my battle in the third trimester. And the lower Willow has dropped over the past couple months, the worse it has gotten. That's what I initially started seeing an acupuncturist for (I actually took a break from that, had the sciatica return really horribly, and started seeing a new, more affordable, equally effective, and less painful acupuncture specialist a few weeks ago... it's been awesome!). If you haven't experienced sciatica, stop reading for a second and thank some higher power... it's a blessing you don't even realize.
I think third trimester is when all the icky, nobody likes to talk about it pregnant stuff really starts happening. As much as I kind of want to share all the gory details... just because I don't think enough people do and I've found myself super surprised by a lot of it! I don't think this is really the place! haha yes! Even I have limits to what I'll share via blog! Read this for a little sampling... I count nine of those for me personally, you'll just have to wonder which nine they are! There are also some things I think should be on that list, but aren't! Fun!
But let's put aside the physical... I mean, I think even the perky, glowy pregnant people start grumbling during the third trimester when the reality truck of "OW/UGH/GROAN" hits them and they have to pee for the eight millionth time that day. Let's talk mental, because that to me has been THE ordeal of pregnancy, no matter how much physical pain I'm in.
I really kept myself busy these past few months. And busy is good for my brain when I'm feeling overwhelmed by emotional stuff. I put a lot of energy into the nursery, not because Willow just HAS to have green walls and pretty curtains... but because I needed a focus in all this baby stuff that wasn't so scary or life-changing. I like making my home homey. It's satisfying for me to walk into a room and feel myself reflected in it and to feel calmed by it. So it was a really good way for me to channel some of my nervous baby energy into something tangible and productive.
Any blog reader knows I'm all about healthy living and like creating my own recipes, medicines, bath products, the works. Click here for some of those. So of course I made some for Willow. Diaper change-y stuff mostly. And I made some post-partum recovery potions and stuff for me. Yes, I like calling the things I make "potions." It adds to the whimsical fun of it all! All that mixing and mashing was a satisfying way to prepare too.
Despite being more emotionally stable now, and seeming much better to everyone around me, I'm as ready to be done as can be. I cannot shake the feeling of pregnancy hatred. It sucks and I no longer care who knows it haha. I do not enjoy carrying all this extra weight around, struggling to roll from side to side when my back hurts at night (because you know, you're not supposed to sleep on your stomach OR your back... that was news to me, but I learned pretty quickly), depending on Erik to reach things up high or move something heavy, watching people stare at me or talk at my stomach instead of my face, or a million other things. I am just not my normal, capable, independent self and that makes me (ir?)rationally angry. Everyone tells you that you are strong! You're creating life! Wow! Go you! And then they scold you for working too hard or eating the wrong kind of fish or having a glass of wine or not gaining the statistically correct number of pounds by the statistically correct date or even for not posting enough pictures of your stomach for everyone to scrutinize and comment on. Society's approach to pregnant women is really a hypocritical mess and I do my best to ignore the things that bother me, but it's hard to put all that away when you deal with it every single day.
LUCKILY, my husband is awesome. He has taken care of me without making me feel like I NEED to be taken care of, if that makes sense. He walks that fine line of commending my strength and bolstering my weaknesses. And I have Corina, the greatest midwife, who has done so much to ameliorate my worries. She probably isn't even aware how much she has helped me emotionally because I think that comes very naturally to her. That's one of the enormous differences between a doctor and a midwife... a midwife really takes care of you as a person in a way I didn't understand until I experienced it. At my first appointment, we talked and talked and when it came time for the physical exam, Corina asked if it was okay to touch my stomach and I about cried with relief that there was a person left on the planet who thought it was still necessary to ask my permission to be touched so intimately. I mean, I don't even like hugging people I know and like haha, it's been kind of awkward to have people I hardly know want to touch my stomach! And doctors, well they will just touch you absolutely anywhere they want when they want to right?
The point is, as "labor day" grows imminent... I am feeling ready and confident and safe in a way I would never have anticipated at the start. All the freaking out of the beginning of this pregnancy that led me down this twisty, confusing path to Corina and Richmond's first birth center was what needed to happen to get us here. I'm going to have Erik, #1 team power awesome partner, Corina, and her entire team of awesome people. I keep promising it, but it seems silly to do before the actual birth, but I WILL write a blog post about the whole midwifery/birth center experience. I know a lot of you are curious, and I would be too!
As for blogging, this is probably adios for now! Brace yourself for what's sure to be an influx of baby pictures in the coming month. Especially if you follow me on Instagram, which you should, because. I'll be in no rush to return to my blog and update it if I'm not feeling it yet, but when I am, I'm sure you'll be in for a treat.
Later, y'all ;)