What Erik Had to Say

Guys. Today is such a treat. For you and for me. Someone casually mentioned in my last edition of the Team Power Awesome story that it would be entertaining to see Erik's perspective on some of this. Well! Erik liked that idea and this weekend he wrote up a version of his own for your reading enjoyment. I have not altered a word of his text (much to Erik's dismay). And it is quite long. Apparently, all this time, Erik has needed a blog to fully express himself! Forgive him for the length. I'm sure he was thinking he'd never have this glorious opportunity again. Without further ado... enjoy our first meeting and date from Erik's perspective.

He even titled it :)

A lazy Saturday and the Monkey's Perspective


Hello readers. So it's a really quiet lazy Saturday at the Heidenthal household, so today you are going to get an especially wonderful treat - a glorious, indisputably amazing treat. That's right, the talented and intelligent writings of a wedding photographer will be shoved aside for a very rare guest post by her husband. Just before Thanksgiving this year Tiffy posted about the legendary bad first date. Well, there was mention on that blog entry that perhaps people would be interested in my side of the story; so without further stalling, here we go.

I am loud, maybe you've heard; I enjoy socializing with others and I normally crash through interactions making people talk to me whether they want to or not, much to the chagrin of my wife. Don't get me wrong, I try to be likeable and friendly; but I can be a bit much. That's how Tiffany came to know me; we were at a birthday dinner, and I discovered that most of the people there were relatively new friends, as freshman at college. In standard obnoxious fashion, I made everyone go around the table and say who they were. Oddly enough, I remember exactly where she was sitting that day. I was at the foot of the table, our friend amber at the head, and tiffany was sitting on ambers left, between Amber and Kristen. She was facing the window. Go figure, the things you remember.

Any who, it turned out the pretty blond girl and I started attending the same functions; rock band parties, ugly Christmas sweater get together, etc. Eventually, we were at an event where we spent the night talking for the majority of the time. And by talking, I mean, she's a great listener. Unfortunately, this was also my first experience with a little concoction known as jungle juice. Think Kool-Aid mix in vodka. 

Allow me to paint the scene: I am in a navy blue sport coat and pants that don't match exactly in color, a black shirt, and a silver tie with horribly coffee stained teeth. I've got a solo cup with nasty college booze in it, and I am slamming them back in really rare form. Tiffany on the other hand, is staying sober for the evening as was her custom, and overall being very gentle with an obnoxious drunken ginger kid. To excuse my actions, let me explain, she is beautiful. She's in a strapless black dress that is very classy yet form fitting, wearing a pearl necklace (she wore that one a lot in college, weirdest clasp on that thing...), and politely smiling at every dumb joke I fling. I couldn't help myself, I just kept NEEDING to tell her how beautiful she was. I don't mean in a, 'hey baby how about we get outta here' kinda way. I mean, she's beautiful, and someone needs to tell her kinda way. She was so gracious and cool about the whole thing, she even put up with me constantly being 'smooth' and putting my tie around her. Man...I haven't even gotten to the date yet and I really am starting to have my doubts in 'past-Erik.'

So after that we start talking on AIM, and finally I get a friends approval (a mutual friend didn't want us to date at first, and we weren't going to unless the friend was ok with it) to ask her out on a date. She agreed. In hindsight, I have no idea why. We are in college, and its sophomore year, closing in on summer break. I have been living off the previous summer's earnings all year, and my coffers aren't exactly overflowing. I don't have my own place, but a room I shared with a guy named David in a nicer dorm, but still a dorm; and as Tiffany can affirm, I am pretty bad at making plans. We agree to meet after dinner, since our meal plans cover that. A new Simon Pegg comedy had just come out, so it seemed like a solid idea. Who doesn't enjoy a funny movie, right?

So we meet up after dinner, and the one thing I have going for me is that I had my car. So I drive us over to Wal-Mart. Why? Because we are broke college kids, and either she needed something, or we just thought it was a good idea at the time. We wandered about Wal-Mart a bit, played with the kids toys, people watched, etc. She didn't mention this in her post, but I swear it happened; and I'm fairly certain it occurred before the movie. We talked in the parking lot as we walked across the street, and hit up cold stone for ice cream. We left the cold stone and sat on some of those big steel bike racks that look like curvy lines. I can remember bouncing between them as we talked. So far, I'm killing it. We had a fun time at Wal-Mart; Tiffy has a serious weakness for ice cream, and our conversations are actually 2 way. 

Then the movie happened. Queue the dramatic end of the world music as the explosions and failure scenes start. 

Simon Pegg is hilarious, helping write movies with over the top slap stick humor coupled with pop culture references and criticisms. Shaun of the Dead, to me, is a hilarious movie and I would highly recommend it. So when another Simon Pegg movie starring many of the same cast came out with the title Hot Fuzz, I thought it'd be perfect. Tiffany laughed at drunken Erik jokes, this will work, right? Little did I realize at the time, polite laughter and finding funny - two very different beasts. Simon Pegg, for as hilarious as I find him tends to be a bit vulgar with his slapstick. If you enjoy slapstick scenes, that's great. If you are Tiffany, who will openly admit to being snobbish about movies, this is crude, boring, and sometimes repulsive. I have a burn image in my mind of laughing as a giant steeple collapsed on a dude squishing him in a splatter, turning to check on my date, and seeing her leaning back into her chair with a grimace on her face. Not a bored face, but a grimace of pain by how bad what she is watching is. One hundred and twenty one minutes later we walk back into the parking lot. She did not appreciate the film, at all. I am crushed, and start to go into panic mode...

I don't know Tiffany at this point incredibly well, but I do know some things. The important thing I know in that exact moment is that I know she is NOT having a good time. Which is really bad, because obviously, I really had a thing for her. In my ignorant desperation to entertain her enough to merit being worth her time for future dates, I propose we try another movie! If at first you don't succeed! She's a cool chick, maybe comedy isn't for her, maybe she's an action movie girl? Why not, girls I had dated before enjoyed action movies before! I sure hope that in 5 years I don't look back at my current self with this same such mind numbing disdain for how foolish I am. 

So we arrive in my tiny dorm room with no furniture except a bunk bed and solid wooden chairs with no pads, and I queue up Arnold Schwarzenegger's Predator. Arnold is the man, this has got to work! So we cuddle up and start watching. Oh yeah past Erik, great move bud...
Frankly, at this point I am pretty embarrassed to continue, but let's just say that the goodnight kiss was not reciprocated, and while it's not entirely my fault that we didn't date again for over a year, I definitely didn't do us any favors either.